In 2003, our family went on a trip to Italy. I had just finished my first year of working full time at a campus ministry and led a mission trip until two days (TWO DAYS!) before the family vacation (FAMILY VACATION!). As you can imagine, I was emotionally and mentally exhausted. There were a lot of factors that led to the bad spot my heart was in, including a boy. (But trust me, that part of the story is dumb and not worth your time.)
We were in Florence, at a hotel nestled in a vineyard. Our view overlooked the city. It was June – the only thing on television that I could understand was Wimbledon. So even though I’m not the world’s most avid tennis fan, I was glad to have a way to zone out.
I was tired. Really tired.
I wasn’t very nice to my family. It seems to be my way, unfortunately. When I need time alone and I don’t get it, I ink.
(Remember that scene from Finding Nemo? When they scare the little octopus dude and he inks everywhere?)
Yeah, I emotionally ink. But not when I’m scared, more often it happens when I’m tired and need alone time or need a break. Everything that comes out of my mouth is black ink. And it stains.
Then there is a clean up that is more painful than the mess ever was.
I stood outside of our room at the hotel and listened to a Shane and Shane album over and over again. In the pitch-black dark of night, I watched this foreign city and just tried to rest my mind and my heart. It had been too long since I did that. Thus, the inking.
Maybe it is embarrassing that seven years later, I’m still having this conversation with myself. The same one that my mind massaged around for hours that night in Florence. Why is it that the people we love the most are the ones we end up hurting? Or, if you want to get technical, why do I ink on them? Why do I wait so long to rest that I end up exploding with anger or hurt or frustration?
I don’t choose quiet enough. I don’t choose to be still enough. When I push myself so far that I get to the breaking point, when quiet and rest and lack of noise are a MUST, it seems those are the things out of my grasp. And I ink.
I hope it doesn’t take me another seven years to get a hold of this. I’m trying to fit quiet into my every day. My family and friends deserve to be as ink-free as possible and that is under my control. I can choose to be still.
“In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength…” – Isaiah 30:15
Can you relate? Have you ever needed a break so much that you ended up breaking on everyone else? Start small – take five minutes today and sit quietly. Or just turn the radio off in the car. Read one verse or pray one prayer. Just slow down. And rest.
And in time, you won’t even have to ink about it.
(I love a good play on words. 
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Before you {ink}, tell us about it on this week’s survey. Also, who doesn’t love Daniel Powter’s Bad Day!
Annie Downs is a freelance writer in Nashville, Tennessee. She hopes to keep her ink to herself today. Read more at http://annieblogs.com/.
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I totally understand what you are saying. I think of my moments like tis as hand grenades. I hold it all in and I go go go until I can’t possibly do one more thing. Then I simply explode and anyone nearby is going to get hit with the shrapnel. Unfortunately, it’s usually my husband who I love so much who gets the most hurt by these outbursts. This is a personality trait that I have been fighting to manage for so long and I have come so far but I still have a long way to go on getting this under control. One verse that has helped along the way is Psalm 46:10, “Be still and know that I am God.” It helps me remember that I need to take time to be still and to recognize God for who He is in my life. That releases the pressure and helps me to remember who He wants me to be.
Christiana,
I love this verse- thanks for reminding us of it.
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Would love to hear more from you, girls– how do you find rest in your busy life?
thanks for encouragement.
I ink all the time, and it is usually my husband that gets the back end of it. Quiet time does help! I recently seen that this weekend! Thanks for the encouragement!
Oh boy do I know! Sometimes I think we ink on people instead of being softly straight forward about it at the beginning because human pride keeps us from wanting to appear like we can’t handle something ourselves or that we don’t immediately need the quiet time to cool down or think things over. So we bottle it in which causes us to crack once it overflows. Funny thing is is that human beings really can’t do a thing by themselves, so why is our first instinct to appear like we don’t need help? All that tends to do is hurt the ones we love. And I really don’t think God appreciates it when you start to ignore the people and things he’s given to you including Himself.
Wow! Usually my poor baby girl gets the brunt of my stress etc. I have had a pretty horrendous year and although God has been amazingly gracious and faithful I have been so busy that I havent given Him the time He wants/needs. This last week has felt like breaking point and a friend prayed with me yesterday and said she felt God saying that verse in Isaiah. So I was reading the She Seeks email today thinking it was full of good stuff and when I read the verse from Isaiah I honestly froze! It was a totally awesome, God inspired moment and I could hardly believe the verse had come up twice in 24 hours! Amazing! Thank you for sharing what was on your heart and allowing God to speak so clearly through you.
I have these moment alot especially right now. All I know is that when times like these arise I have to look to God for him to calm and smooth my broken heart and spirit. So thank you for posting this as it reminds me to turn to God in times of struggles
Today I decided to get back into the habit of personal Bible Study and devotionals, and I was looking for some online resources when I came across this site. How appropriate this entry was for me today. I can totally relate. My husband spends far to many days covered in ink, and I’m going to try to fix that.
And remembering that verse as well as Psalm 46:10 will go along way.
I am the kind of person that loves business, I would love to have 4 kids…I want people to feel free to visit my home anytime… to feel at home in my home…to be able to just be them selves, BUT…I have the same issue with my words and one moment I’m as I described above and the next I just want everyone to leave and just get out..that’s when I start to feel overwhelmed and my words can come out not so pretty. :S My hubby usually will get the brunt of my lashing and so will my parents. Everyone else I’m good at holding it in…which is not good I should be me with everyone right. Well I hope this makes sense.
Love your blog!! I’m not even to sure how I manged to find it. Alicia
This is such a relevant and frequent difficulty of mine. I find all those little daily stressors in life build up and it is always those who are close to me who get hurt when they all come to a head. Thanks for the encouagement with this verse; as a new believer I find these inspirational entries helpful in relating God’s word to everyday life.
Mon. Aug 2, 2010
Annie, I don’t know how many of your followers are 51 year old men, but I have just become one. I believe God led me to your site today through a devotional.
I am a disabled, single father and have “inked” all my life. Now, I am raising 9 and 12 year old girls by myself so you may be able to understand the stress in my life! I let things build up too much and then hit a point where my “ink” covers everyone. That is something I have just taken for granted I couldn’t change this late in life. I think I will bookmark your site. You see, the young CAN teach the old. You are an inspiration and I thank God for you. May God bless you richly as you continue to help others.