As I sat in my ninth grade homeroom, I tried to convince myself it didn’t matter if I got a carnation. It was a stupid fundraiser anyway — selling carnations for Valentine’s Day. But my heart wanted one from a certain boy in our group of friends.
When I was handed a carnation, my heart melted and told my brain “ha, ha, you were wrong.†The card had 3 names on it, but I only focused on one – the certain boy. In the hallway between classes, I was giddy. I went up to one of my girlfriends and she had a carnation too – with the same 3 names on it. My heart hardened as my brain said “ha, ha, you were wrong.†The boys in our group of friends had sent flowers to all the girls in our group so no one would feel left out. It wasn’t that the certain boy had a secret crush on me, too.
I have been through several Valentine’s Days since that one. Some good. Some not so good. My heart has always longed for the fairy tale — a dozen red roses from a guy I secretly have a crush on, confirming that he likes me, too. I get caught up in all the hearts, cards, candy and flowers I see everywhere I go. I’ve even had my fairy tale day before when the love of my life gave me a dozen red roses.
Funny, but it’s not at all what I expected it to be like. Did he send them because he loves me or because the world says “you’re going to look like a schmuck unless you send her flowers on this day?†Whether I’ve gotten what I thought I wanted or nothing at all, I’ve always had doubts, centering mostly around myself. Does he really love me? Doesn’t anyone love me? Why aren’t I worth getting flowers? What have I done wrong and what can I do to change so someone will love me?
For a very long time, I judged my value by how many guys were interested in me. If I had a few prospects I always felt better about myself. If there seemed to be no interest in me, I wondered what was wrong with me and how I could fix it. Valentine’s Day was like a huge magnifying glass exposing my flaws to the world. Everyone saw who got the flowers at work. Everyone was always talking about what they did or what their sweethearts got them. If I didn’t have anyone, I just knew everyone felt sorry for me. I’m sure they secretly wondered what was wrong with me, too.
Whether Valentine’s Day ended up like you had hoped or dreamed or it didn’t, remember whose you are — God’s. He has always loved you and always will. The greatest love story ever told is in the Bible. God loved me so much He sent Jesus to die for me. Once I accepted that, I stopped looking to guys in order to figure out my worth. God loved you so much He sent Jesus to die for you. That kind of love lasts far longer than the flowers, the candy or the cards – even longer than the guys 
Resources…
The Bible — The LORD your God is with you…He will take great delight in you, He will quiet you with His love, He will rejoice over you with singing. — Zephaniah 3:17 (NIV)
Sacred Romance by John Eldredge
Something Else…
Check out the Explore Culture page for some more encouragement from Barlow Girl. Also, PLEASE give us your feedback on the survey so we can better serve you as our wonderful She Seeks readers!
Lisa Boyd is a “show me you love me the other 364 days†kinda girl who suffered with a huge swollen, busted lip her first Valentine’s Day with the love of her life. {Maybe she’ll share that story in the comments.} Lisa rambles at simply His and usually hides behind the scenes here as Techie Girl.
Do you have a Valentine’s Day story? One where it didn’t quite turn out how you expected? Or share with us an unexpected way God has shown His love for you. Leave a comment.
{ 6 comments… read them below or add one }
Hey ladies!
My first Valentine’s Day with the love of my life, I thought was going to be everything I ever dreamed of — unfortunately it was nothing like I ever dreamed. Long story (over on my blog) but his dog bit my lips — both upper and bottom. My lips swelled and bruised of course after the bleeding stopped. I couldn’t even enjoy a nice V-day kiss.
Regardless, I don’t care much for the holiday at all. I’d just as soon skip over Feb 14th on my calendar. How about you?
I agree with Lisa whole heartedly…. so often we’re caught up in what others think of us to determine our self worth and sadly, i see it starting with my 10 year old.
and so glad to see you pop out from behind the scenes Lisa. You need to do it more often….
Ouch…your story in the comments sounds quite painful – I don’t think I’d have quite gotten over that one either.
I remember the carnation cards – I always hated those fundraisers — I can’t remember ever getting one single flower from a boy I liked. My girlfriends were always the ones that gave them to me. 
or my mom, which is worse. lol
Thanks for coming from backstage to talk to us!
Excellent devo, Lisa! I remember a time when I, too, gauged my self-worth in whether or not I had a boyfriend. Wow, have things changed. (Thank you, Jesus!)
Married for 23 years, I’ve learned that love isn’t about the roses, the right card, or a red velvet teddy bear. True love is about making time for one another, sharing your hearts, laughing together, forgiving each other, and hanging in there on all the hard days.
Thank you for sharing a piece of your heart, Lisa. Well done!
i agree also i think that it sounds like a rough time. i remember when i was in junior high we had a heart sucker sale and i would always wander would i get one from a boy but it did not happen though.That is sort of the same experience i guess.
I never put much expectation on Valentine’s Day when it comes to romance. I don’t know why. I guess I didn’t see the day to be an important holiday, but just one of those days for fun. I just looked forward to candy whether it was from friends, boyfriend, parents, etc… LOL
But God has shown His love to me by blessing me with my fiance, and wonderful blessing He has provided in our planning for our wedding! With my wedding being Hearts theme…that will be the greatest day of love for me until the next best comes my way whether it be a baby, or anniversary! ^_^